The failure of niceness
I've faked orgasms. I've "zoned out" during sex I wasn't really into because I thought it would be impolite to stop my partner, and what the hell, it couldn't hurt anyone. Right? I've done things I didn't really want to do sexually because the other person seemed nice and I didn't want to hurt their feelings. I've ignored my body and willed myself to get through sex because I'd initiated it, and something happened through nobody's fault to ding my arousal because female arousal is willful and insolent sometimes, and I felt I owed my partner satisfaction. Because hey, I'd started it. Most of the time, my partners never seemed to notice. These things aren't sexual assault. I've experienced that too. But they ARE part of a larger, systematic culture of patriarchy that tells women that our bodies are not our own. That our desires should make us ashamed. That our voices don't matter. That we must placate.