On proper dickorum
Men need to stop with these hand-wringing posts saying "but how I do I flirt with people without sexually harassing themmmm." It's super fucking simple, my dude. Herein is Megan's "A Very Short Primer on How to Have a Dick but Not Be One":
1) Flirt only with people in a context in which both of you have clearly consented to it. Board meeting? Nope. We have other things to think about, like whether the Mac will talk to the PC or screw up our damn PowerPoint. Office Christmas party? Nope. Those things are awkward enough without worrying that the inch of collarbone we're showing is considered an invitation. Date you mutually agreed to go on in a non-work, non-coercive setting? Flirt away, but keep your hands/mouth/dick to yourself unless invited.
2) Watch for signals. Women have this weird ability some mammals have to use WORDS and BODY LANGUAGE to communicate their FEELINGS. If you move in for a kiss and we move away or flinch or get a wide-eyed rictus grin or scream "I KNOW KRAV MAGA, FUCKER" that is your cue to stop whatever you're doing and reconsider your life and your choices.
3) Use your words. Like, literally, just ask before you attempt to do stuff. This language thing works shockingly well. I was once on a date, ambling around downtown, and my partner stopped and looked directly into my eyes and said he'd like to kiss me, and I had the chance to say yes! Which I did! And it was awesome! I have, in fact, kissed him many more times! If that sounds like "cockblocking" or too much work to you, YOU DO NOT DESERVE A DATE, PLEASE HURL YOURSELF INTO THE SUN.
I know some of this sounds hard and confusing and like it might cut down on your chances to flirt with people. I forgot my damn egg salad sandwich on the coffee table this morning. LIFE IS UNFAIR AND FULL OF SORROWS BUT WE MOVE THE HELL ON.
This has been your weekly dickorum rant, I'm sure I'll see you next Wednesday because the world is a garbage fire and people are trash
1) Flirt only with people in a context in which both of you have clearly consented to it. Board meeting? Nope. We have other things to think about, like whether the Mac will talk to the PC or screw up our damn PowerPoint. Office Christmas party? Nope. Those things are awkward enough without worrying that the inch of collarbone we're showing is considered an invitation. Date you mutually agreed to go on in a non-work, non-coercive setting? Flirt away, but keep your hands/mouth/dick to yourself unless invited.
2) Watch for signals. Women have this weird ability some mammals have to use WORDS and BODY LANGUAGE to communicate their FEELINGS. If you move in for a kiss and we move away or flinch or get a wide-eyed rictus grin or scream "I KNOW KRAV MAGA, FUCKER" that is your cue to stop whatever you're doing and reconsider your life and your choices.
3) Use your words. Like, literally, just ask before you attempt to do stuff. This language thing works shockingly well. I was once on a date, ambling around downtown, and my partner stopped and looked directly into my eyes and said he'd like to kiss me, and I had the chance to say yes! Which I did! And it was awesome! I have, in fact, kissed him many more times! If that sounds like "cockblocking" or too much work to you, YOU DO NOT DESERVE A DATE, PLEASE HURL YOURSELF INTO THE SUN.
I know some of this sounds hard and confusing and like it might cut down on your chances to flirt with people. I forgot my damn egg salad sandwich on the coffee table this morning. LIFE IS UNFAIR AND FULL OF SORROWS BUT WE MOVE THE HELL ON.
This has been your weekly dickorum rant, I'm sure I'll see you next Wednesday because the world is a garbage fire and people are trash
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